The other day I was at the DMV here on Guam, renewing my registration for both my vehicles. I got there early, as I hate lines, but realized that I forgot an important document.
Well, the woman at the DMV saved me about an hour’s worth of driving and waiting in line by paying me a kindness … she accepted my registration by interpreting the regulations in a favorable way.
And that kindness just made my day.
It’s amazing what a little kindness can do for you. I drove away from the DMV with a great feeling, with a love for humanity, with a desire to do good for others and pay her kindness forward.
I’ve since paid my debt of gratitude forward in a bunch of ways, but it’s gotten me thinking about kindness and humanity in a broader sense. I have an enormous faith in humanity … but I think we all need to work to bring kindness back to our modern society.
While running with my sister at the local track yesterday, we were talking about kindness and courtesy in our society. My sister, Katrina, has noticed that people are less courteous and more rude to each other nowadays. They don’t say simple things like “Thank you” or open doors for each other or even smile at strangers.
I’m not sure if things on this front have gotten worse in recent years, but if it has, I suspect the change isn’t in people, it’s in the loss of a sense of community. It’s that we don’t come together enough, and are separated from each other in many ways.
The Effect of Anonymity
What happens when people get in cars and then converge on the roads? For some reason, they become rude, inconsiderate jerks (for the most part). But if these same people were to meet face-to-face, and have to spend time together and get to know each other, they would most likely make an attempt at being nice, at the very least.
When we’re in cars, we can barely see the other drivers. We certainly don’t care what they think, and we know they don’t know who we are. Sure, some people are considerate drivers, but for the most part, people are aggressive and uncaring when they’re in their cars.
That’s the effect of anonymity.
When we actually get to know people, we usually act differently. We want to be seen as good in other people’s eyes (the social component of the human animal), and as such, we’ll usually go out of our way to be nice — if we interact with the person on a personal level, not an anonymous level.
Our Divided Society
As my sister Katrina pointed out, our society is changing in a number of ways … all of them in some way dividing us as individuals:
1. Less religious. A much smaller proportion of our population is religious these days, which means fewer people are going to church. This means they don’t get together in the same way they used to, praying, doing community projects, getting to know each other. Some people may think that’s a good thing, as they are against organized religion, but the truth is that there hasn’t been a strong unifying non-secular organization emerge to take the place that church used to take in our community and in our lives.
2. Television and other media. Much more of our time is spent indoors these days, watching TV, playing video games, playing or working on the Internet, watching movies, etc. This means we are separated from each other. We don’t get together as a community anymore, we don’t play outside as much (or if we do, it’s in individual ways for the most part), we don’t meet face-to-face.
3. Car society. In the days of yore, people used to walk on the streets. People would see each other on the streets and say hi, stop and chat. Kids used to play in the streets. But cars have overrun our streets, and they are no longer safe for kids or pedestrians or bikes. We are forced into cars, because there’s no better way to get around (for the most part — in some cities, mass transit is a viable alternative, but not where I live). And when we’re in cars, as I mentioned above, we are separated from our fellow human beings.
Amish Barn Raising
When I think about ways we can come together as a community, to interact in more personal and positive ways, I think of the Amish barn raising tradition. The community comes together to help a family … this is the kind of tradition where people help each other out, get to know each other, and bond.
I think about that, and I wonder if there are ways we could get the community together, helping each other out. There are already some of these kinds of activities, such as community cleanups, Habitat for Humanity, other charity organizations, and the like. These are amazing ways to bring people together, in a common cause of helping others.
I’d like to see more of these kinds of things. I don’t have the answers, but I do know that if we make an effort to organize ways to help each other out, and come together, our communities will be better off. People will get to know each other, and will be kinder to each other.
That’s my hope, at least.
My Faith in Humanity
Call me naive or hopelessly optimistic, but I have a very positive view of humanity. Sure, we see greed and rudeness and abuse and selfishness every day. But I believe that’s more a symptom of the systems in our society, rather than of an evil human race.
I have faith in humanity.
I often leave my car doors unlocked. I carry cash around, just ready for a mugger to take it from me. I give money to people who say they need it, if I have it, not worrying about whether they’ll spend it on food or drugs or whatever.
I meet people every day who are friendly, who do me kindnesses, who lift my spirits.
Humanity is a wonderful thing. People are amazing, beautiful creatures.
What we need are ways to bring out the best in people. To bring them together. To have them help each other, instead of trying to outdo each other.
We need freer systems, instead of the authoritarian ones that oppress us now. We need cooperative systems, instead of the competitive ones we have now. We need unifying systems, instead of the divisive ones that exist today.
We need change. And as Gandhi famously said, “We must be the change we want to see in the world.”
I hope to be that change. I hope you will too.
Leo Babauta is a writer, a runner, and a vegetarian from Guam. He blogs at Zen Habits and Write to Done.