The Bible is an important book, there’s no getting around it. Whether you are Jewish, Atheist, pagan, or Fundamentalist Christian, if you want to be an educated, cultured, informed, citizen of the world, you simply must know the basics of the Bible.
Those who don’t want to bogged down with a thick, leather-bound tome with microscopic print have plenty of other options. Here are 10 such niche alternatives to the thing we call the Bible.
10. Bible Illuminated
A glossy magazine format that includes the New Testament in its entirety along with contemporary, and very striking, full-color photographs. From the producer: “You don’t see [the Bible] on tables. You don’t see it at home, open. You don’t see people reading it on the subway. That, we’re going to change.” An Old Testament version
Who is it for? Fashionistas, hipsters, and general pretentious elites.
9. Inspired By . . . The Bible Experience
An audio book of the entire Bible read by an all-star cast including Samuel L. Jackson, LL Cool J, Denzel Washington, Forest Whitaker, and others. Original music by the Prague Symphony Orchestra and Hollywood-style sound design make this a pretty slick production.
Who is it for? The iPod generation
8. Surfers Bible
Christian Surfers International put out this Bible hoping surfer bros would ride the wave straight to Jesus. It’s available in New Testament or the entire Bible, complete with 18 testimonies from wave riders telling their stories of how they found God. Body boarder Glen Thurston said: “I was in hospital after a severe surfing accident and the only thing I had to read was the Surfers Bible. By the end of my recovery I had not only been healed of my injury, but I had come to a faith in Christ.” Whoa, that’s pretty Gnarly.
Who is it for? Dude, is this like…a trick question?
7. Revolve
Revolve and Refuel are published, by a company called Biblezines, for teenage girls and boys respectively. In addition to the complete text of the New Testament, these magazine-style Bibles feature articles, lists and how-to sections. The cover of Revolve looks like a typical teenybopper magazine. Inside, you’ll find articles like “Have a Blast Hangout Ideas,” or “Rock Your Outlook…Ways to Make a Difference.” Refuel looks like an extreme sports magazine. Inside, read “How to Attract Godly Girls,” and “Radical Faith: 70 Ways To Apply Truth.”
Who is it for? Those goody-goody kids in high school that you couldn’t stand.
6. LOLCat Bible
If you don’t know what LOLCat is, you’re better off for it. But if you are a fan of those cat photos with the broken English captions, this Bible is for you. The LOLCat Bible is an ongoing wiki that aims to translate the Holy Scriptures in its entirety into LOLCat speak.
Genesis 1:1,2 – “Oh hai. In the beginnin Ceiling Cat maded the skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem. Da urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over the waterz.” Had enough?
Who is it for? Fans of LOLCat, apparently. And people who don’t get out of the house too often.
5. Princess Diana Bible
In this gay version of the Bible, instead of God creating Adam and Eve, He creates Aida and Eve. The full work is not completed yet, but portions of Genesis and Leviticus can be read on the official website. Once completed, Mitchell plans to adapt his Bible as a two-part mini-series, the Gay Old Testament and The Gay New Testament. “There are many different version of the Bible,” says creator Max Mitchell. “I don’t see why we can’t have one.”
Who is it for? The GLBT community. Definitely not for Fundamentalist Christians
4. The Brick Testament
The Lego Bible has been around since 2001—first online, then as a series of books. Creater Rev. Brendan Powell Smith bills his work as “the largest, most comprehensive illustrated Bible in the world with over 3,600 illustrations that retell more than 300 stories from the Bible.”
While presented in a satirical manner, the Brick Testament is surprisingly accurate, not taking too many liberties in the name of humor. After all, there’s enough humor in the Bible as is. Warning: the website features nude Lego people, Lego people having sex, Lego violence, and Lego murder.
Who is it for? Sunday school teachers, Lego geeks of all ages.
3. Jesus Loves Porn Stars Bible
The XXXChurch, an organization devoted to helping porn addicts, prints this bible to give out free at porn conventions. It’s not a unique translation. There is no more, or no less, sex in it than other versions of the Bible. It is simply “The Message” Bible with a cover reminiscent of 70’s era porn artwork. Really interesting idea, although some may be disappointed when opening it to find no centerfold.
Who is it for? Porn addicts, recovering porn addicts, and porn stars
2. The Bible in Cockney: Well Bits of It Anyway…
This could be the best idea ever. Here is the Lord’s Prayer from Luke 11:2-4:
HELLO, Dad, up there in good ol’ Heaven,
Your name is well great and holy, and we respect you, Guv.
We hope we can all ‘ave a butcher’s at Heaven and be there as soon as possible: and we want to make you happy, Guv, and do what you want ‘ere on earth, just like what you do in Heaven.
Guv, please give us some Uncle Fred, and enough grub and stuff to keep us going today, and we hope you’ll forgive us when we cock things up, just like we’re supposed to forgive them who annoy us and do dodgy stuff to us.
There’s a lot of dodgy people around, Guv; please don’t let us get tempted to do bad things. Help keep us away from all the nasty, evil stuff, and keep that dodgy Satan away from us, ‘cos you’re much stronger than ‘im.
Your the Boss, God, and will be for ever, innit? Cheers, Amen.
Who is it for? Geezers and birds, oi, oi, oi
1. The Manga Bible
Illustrated Bibles are nothing new, but Japanese-style Manga adaptations are a relatively new phenomenon. Siku’s “The Manga Bible”, published in 2007, claims to be the first of it’s kind. Covering the entire Bible in just 200 pages, Siku lets his illustrations do most of the storytelling. David, after slaying the monstrous Goliath, triumphantly holds the giant’s severed head high in the air with the caption, “Now the whole world will know that the God of Israel is Alive!”
Satan is thin, pale, and faceless (except for 2 beady eyes), Jesus is a dark, brooding, samurai superhero, and all the females are beautiful. “The Manga Bible” is a fast moving, entertaining, and fun Bible adaptation that can be read in a few hours.
Who is it for? Comic book geeks, Anime freaks, and the Archbishop of Canterbury (apparently he digs it).
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
We really have become a creative nation. Look at all the ways we promote the Bible. You should also check out this Sunday School Video. It is like clay animation. Great Bible Video.
One of my favorite bibles is of course digital for our new age: http://www.slate.com/id/2167894/
It’s called Blogging the Bible on Slate by David Plotz. GREAT read!
Blogging the Bible is great. I wish I would have thought of that first.
Yes, it’s true if you would like to be the well-informed, well-rounded person that you would want to know the basics of the bible… but you would want to know the basics of every other religion too. Why is it that it’s only importent to learn the fundementals and teachings of Christianity? They obviously do so well learning the truth about the Pagan beliefs and teachings (sense the sarcasim?). The point is… whether you are of a Catholic faith or not, you do know the basic workings of the bible… Why? Because that seems to be the only religion in the U.S. that anyone cares about to publiclly preach about all the time. So instead of coming out saying we should learn Christianty… You should probably come out and tell the Bible-belt to read up on religions not their own. Because we know pleanty about their religion (which they expect us to) but many don’t return the favor.
Very well said Ice, I wholeheartedly agree. That sentiment is one of the aims of this magazine: to educate about all forms of belief and non-belief.
Admittedly, I like the idea of the whole Manga Bible thing, lol. Though, at the same time, it kindda is sickening to see how much the Catholic Church tries to “sell religion” like this. And Ice pretty much said the rest for me.