When Not About Religion.com asked me to read and review I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed: Tales from a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing
Then I started reading.
The memoir of Kyria Abrahams is a painfully honest look at her experience growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness, coming of age in a loveless marriage and then being shunned by everyone she trusted including her own family.
This is a story about being raised in, and exiting a cult. What’s not to love?
Abrahams speaks candidly of her experiences as an alcoholic OCD cutter and her failed suicide attempts. You won’t be calling your physiotherapist in tears at the end though. Abrahams writes about her life with an amazing sense of humor that will have you rolling on the floor in laughter while you try not to pee.
Her memory of being caught masturbating on her beanbag at an early age by her mother, then tearfully praying for God’s forgiveness will make you raise your eyebrows and laugh hysterically while you call your friends to read the passage, then the chapter. The next thing you know, it’s 3 a.m and you’ve finishing the book over the phone (a true story).
For those unfamiliar with Jehovah’s Witness lingo Abrahams has included a glossary in the back, which is insanely accurate. For instance:
The Good News –The Joyful knowledge that soon, Jehovah is going to destroy the world!
Pagan –The bisexual girl in your computer science class who wears Tevas with a velvet cape and keeps trying to invite you to her winter solstice cookout and drum circle. I think she owns ferrets.
A great read for anyone who was a JW, knew a JW, or spoke to a JW on your doorstep. Hell, read it if you picked on a JW. When you’re finished, look them up to apologize. Their lives were hard enough.
Abrahams offers no judgment for or against a strict religious upbringing. She only tells of one person’s experience with it: Live and let live, if it doesn’t work out move on and turn it into a tremendous slam poem and stand up comedy act while frantically making an “oober halloween costume”, committing adultery, and getting an education beyond the Bible. Sins are easier to complete while multitasking.
Become a Jehovah’s Witness for 338 pages, close the book and bake a birthday cake.
Hilary D. La Riviere is a social service provider and former Jehovah’s Witness from Portland, Maine.